My Need for Worship

Just now I was listening to a podcast of Michael Hansen preaching at my home church in the USA on the subject of worship...what it is, what it isn't, why we do it, etc. I was convicted about what he called "our natural resistance to worship" and the self-focus or fear of man that can rob us of the joy of worship. (Listen for yourself at www.vineyardcdc.org/resources.shtml - it's a great message!)

As I listened, I was wishing Michael could come down here and preach the same message at our church (Igreja da Vinha Mirante - Mirante Vineyard). Our people haven't been very engaged in worship lately.

Suddenly, God gave me a vision of all these people I love (me included) wrapped in a sort of sleeping bag/snake costume. Each of us was zipped inside this costume, unable to move, unable to worship. We need God to unzip the snakeskins and set us free!

Then I heard a bird singing, and saw flowers blooming, and children playing, and thought, "How natural it is for God's creation to worship Him!" Make me a natural worshipper, too, Lord! Set me free!

Saying goodbye again...

Hortência and Nathália - two precious young women of God - lived with me at Friendship House for several months. Yesterday they left to return to their mother's house in Porto de Moz...and took a piece of my heart with them. Last night I cried; again this morning I cried...as I lifted them up to our Heavenly Father and asked Him to keep their hearts safe and their minds pure.

We had our ups and downs while they were here...love sometimes hurts, but it's always worth it. Rich Mullins once said, "Quite often, we extend love to people because we want to change them." He believed we ought to love for the sake of love, with no expectations. He said, "Even if a person fails to respond to our love, our kindness, or our forgiveness a thousand times, we are called to keep on loving."

The few times that the girls and I were at odds over rules of the house, I know I heard Abba Father say, "Just keep loving them." So that's what I did, and they will remain in my heart for the rest of my life. For them (and many others I love), I pray with Paul:

When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Ephesians 3:16-18 NLT

Now, Father, who's next? Send more of your precious daughters for me to love on, please.

Assassinas!

So...my life here is often laughable, but sometimes the laughter is a little painful! When I returned from my visit to the States, I learned that one of my dogs, Bella, had escaped from our yard and killed 5 of the neighbor's chickens!! FIVE!!! Very angry neighbor...costly mistake of leaving the gate unlatched...the neighbor lost 5 chickens, I lost R$100 to pay for them.

And remember my blog about nature at work (the dead kitten eaten by vultures)? Well, it turned out that my other dog, Minnie, was the one who killed the kitten!

So both our dogs are killers (assassinas in Portuguese), which means we all need to be more careful to keep the gate latched. And potential robbers beware!! (oh, I forgot...both dogs are very friendly with people!)

My missionary friend who gave me the dogs says it's a genetic thing...their parents like to kill chickens and other small animals, too. Great! The joke's on me!!

nature at work

While I was in the States, my son asked why I wasn't posting as often to my blog. I responded, "Because mostly I just live my life, day to day. How interesting is that?

He responded,"But Mom, that's what we want to hear about...your day to day life in Brazil!"

So...this morning I woke up thankful for my life and the beauty that surrounds me. Then I looked out the window and saw a dead kitten lying just outside my gate. As I was pondering the gaggy task of getting rid of the body, along came a flock of urubus (vultures), and quickly took care of my problem for me!

Nature at work, here in Brazil! (I decided to spare my followers the graphic photos) Tchau!

Impressions about "home"

As I sat down to think through this blog post, fleeting memories of warmth and love rushed through my mind...hugs and good-byes at the Altamira Brazil airport; hugs, tears, and hellos at the Columbus Ohio airport. How very blessed I am, to have two homes filled with people I love!

I also realized that I haven't been taking enough pictures since I've been in the U.S. Gotta get busy with the camera...I'll need those pictures when I return to my other home in Brazil!

I got to watch my 5 year old grandson play soccer in the cold and rain. He's learned a lot about the game since I last saw him play - kept his focus on the ball and moved it along the field, played well with his team, even made a goal!

Another highlight of my furlough was the International Festival at Vineyard Columbus. I met up with Abilene Santos, from Mirante Vineyard in Brazil, who is here studying at Vineyard Leadership Institute. The International Festival was a celebration of the many nationalities that are represented in Vineyard Columbus.

I can't remember the number of countries represented, but the crowd worshipped Jesus in many different languages - English, Spanish, Portuguese, Swahili, French, etc. Many people were dressed in their native costumes, a huge potluck of ethnic foods, children carried flags of many nations through the crowd, etc.

This weekend is Mother's Day, so I'm happy that I will be with my children and grandchildren, making more memories to take back to Brazil with me. Gotta take more pictures, too!

And here are a few of the pictures from "home" (Friendship House in Brazil) that I am sharing with my American friends...

One impression that has settled deep within my heart...when I am in Brazil, I am homesick for my American family and friends...yet when I am in the U.S., I am homesick for my Brazilian friends and family. I feel kind of "homeless" at times...but God is teaching me that our real home is heaven, and we'll all be a little homesick until we reach that glorious home.

But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself. Philippians 3:20-21

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” And he said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son. Revelation 21

Good-byes are hard!

I'm almost ready to leave for the USA, and my heart is longing for those I love (family and friends). But as I rush through packing and tying up loose ends, on my list of TO DOs is a sub-list of people to hug before I leave. God has blessed me with some wonderful, dear friends here, and I will miss them tremendously.


Got to spend the night with my friend, Nalva, and had lunch with Adelso and Jocylene yesterday. Tonight I'll hug my students and pray for them. And I need to stop by some other friends' houses today. Good-bye! Tchau! See you later! Até logo!


Recently God has shaken up the dynamics of our missionary family, too. Clyde and Kelsie moved to Uruará, Josh and Brin left to serve with another mission, Jim and Sharon went home to Canada after serving their 2 year commitment, Chelsea moved to Marabá (another Xingu Mission base), and soon Tim and Betsy will leave for Africa. Later this year, Keith and Marsha will move to Pacajá, and we will be welcoming a new missionary family and another young single missionary.


And as I write, I am praying for three very dear friends whose loved ones have gone to be with the Lord in the last few weeks. I can't wait to hug and cry with them...but also look forward to the day we'll see them again!


Enough good-byes, already! The promise of heaven, with no more good-byes, gives my heart hope and joy.


The young women will dance for joy,and the men—old and young—will join in the celebration.I will turn their mourning into joy.I will comfort them and exchange their sorrow for rejoicing! Jeremiah 31: 13

trips to Santarém and Gurupa

I went to Santarém in December and Gurupa in January. The two trips couldn't have been more different, but both were wonderfully refreshing!

SANTARÉM
I went to Santarém for a mini-vacation with my good friend, Nalva...and to meet up with my oldest friend, Sylvia, who was stopping there for one day of her Amazon cruise.

Me with Nalva

Sylvia and me on our "eco-tour"

Santarém is a beautiful, clean port city on the Amazon River. They have paved roads, traffic signals, a strip of excellent pizza restaurants, a gorgeous beach half an hour away ... I could go on and on about the differences between Santarém and Altamira (where I live).

pool at our hotel, with the Amazon River in background

shopping choices

kayaks on the beach at Alter do Chao

new friends who made us feel sooo welcome

statue denoting the end of slavery in Brazil

GURUPÁ

Gurupá, where Antonio and Perpetua are pastoring a Vineyard Church, is also a port city on the Amazon, but very different from Santarém... very poor and very dark! Although there are several excellent churches in Gurupá, church attendance is extremely low. We spent several days visiting neighborhoods, getting to know people, inviting them to church. Everyone promised to be there...but almost no one came.

Pastor Antonio and Perpetua and their family

Delegacia (prison) where we took the gospel

Me preaching!!

Nalva cooking in Perpetua's new kitchen

The people of Gurupá need hope and help. Pray for God to shine His eternal light there. Pray for Antonio and Perpetua as they labor to spread the gospel there. 

Hearing the Voice of God

OK, I know I promised to post updates and haven't gotten around to it yet...but I will!

Right now, though, I think I need to write a brief blurb about how God has been encouraging me lately. I just read my friend Tim Kubacki's latest blog: http://kubacki6.wordpress.com/2011/03/01/an-unexpected-encounter/ and realized  God has encouraged me in a similar way and I also need to give Him glory.

First, a confession...which won't be news to my closest friends...I have had a lifelong struggle with depression. I've had lots of prayer and windows of healing, but depression seems to be my "thorn in the flesh". So although I love my work here, and am blessed by the people and the many opportunities to spread His love, I sometimes wonder if God made a mistake in sending me to Brazil. I start hearing voices in my mind that say, "Go home! You aren't a real missionary anyway! Real missionaries come from strong Christian families, their marriages endure, etc., etc."

So...in recent weeks, I've been in the midst of a familiar battle - should I just give up and go home? What good am I to the Kingdom? Life is hard here, and stress aggravates my emotions. I cried out to God, telling Him I needed to hear from Him... I'm all alone here, Lord!

And He answered...


First, my home group in Sunbury met to pray specifically for me. They lovingly took time not only to pray, but to send me messages about what God had said...such sweet, uplifting words that I so needed to hear. Words like perseverance, walking in God's plan, being a loving heart in the body of Christ, etc.

Then a dear friend sent me a quote from Fenelon, a 16th century monk whose writings always speak to my heart. Fenelon said,
 "Jesus' life was full of humiliation, but we are horrified by the slightest humiliation even though we aspire to grow in humility. We feel ashamed and that our self-worth has been attacked. We don't need to seek humiliation because it finds us. But when we are crushed, we can remember the suffering and humiliation that Jesus endured. All our strength comes from God. "

My mentoring pastor sent me an encouraging word from the Gospel of Wholeness, about allowing God to bring to the surface what He wants to heal, and reminding me that we all walk with a limp.

Next, a dear friend came to spend the night with me, and we had the opportunity for extended prayer together, and both experienced the lifting of heavy burdens from our shoulders.

And finally, God Himself spoke to me in a private, intimate moment. He told me that it was Him who had been speaking through my brothers and sisters. Then he reminded me once again of Joseph (Gen. 37-50), who also came from a very dysfunctional family, yet He was able to use Joseph to bless a nation of people!

So...I've bared my soul here...do I love being the very brokenest of God's servants? No! Do I like having other people see this brokenness in me? No! But if just one person reads this and realizes that he or she is also God's beloved, "created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" (Ephesians 2:10)...it is all worth it.

I Corinthians 12 and Psalm 139 spoke to my heart in fresh new ways...healing, reassuring, blessing my heart. I hope you will take time to read these passages prayerfully, and let God speak to you as well.

My prayer is...
"that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe." Ephesians 1:18

Catch-Up!

Wow! A friend contacted me, saying she checked my blog to see what's been happening, and found that I hadn't posted anything there since October! Oops! Sorry, friends and family.

Let's see...what has happened since then? A trip to Santarém, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, and a trip to Gurupá...not much, really. Oh yeah, plus I moved and am starting a new ministry!

So...over the next few days, I will write about each of these events.